We met up for breakfast with some friends, years ago. We were talking about our children, sharing stories, and such. We were homeschooling and our friends were adamantly not of the home schooling mind set. In fact, you could see it was all the wife could do to not jump all over us about our arrogance and stupidity in taking this route. No one in our own family approved of our move so I have learned to cope with opposition to home schooling - I change the subject! There are some battles that aren't worth getting up in the morning to fight about. We didn't plan to change our minds and all the shouting and chastisement in the world wasn't going to alter our decided course.
We kept to safe topics and talked about our children. Being of a conservative bent, I mentioned my concerns over the current lack of morality among young people, the lack of modesty, their early sexual awareness, etc. My friend basically stated that she felt she had to let her children evolve as they grew up and make their own choices. She said the 'key' was to let them know that no matter what they did, they could always come to her and there would never be any adverse comments about what they might have done, only help in resolving whatever needed resolution for their actions. She didn't want to mold them with her ideas but rather let them grow and become strong.
I found that rather sad. Yes, my children have been out in the world but, from the time they were born, they were taught right from wrong. Even in our sexualized world, they were informed that purity of heart and soul was important. Yes, mine know they can come to me when they make mistakes but my husband and I have done our best to instill in them that many mistakes can be circumvented if they live moral lives. Yes, we will help them with whatever life throws at them. They know, however, that no matter their age, they will get a reprimand for anything they might do that lands them into trouble. Are we molding them with our ideas and values? You better believe it!
Another friend told me that when her son started realizing there were girls in the world, she sat him down and said that when decides to get married, she and his dad would do everything they could to help with a splendid wedding . . . But, if he has been living an immoral life, he can expect a very private wedding without all the pomp and splendor. A wedding/marriage is a sacrament and a bride dressed in white still has meaning.
As for my first friend, who didn't want to instill values into her children . . . Her daughter joined us at breakfast wearing skin tight jeans and a low-cut crop topped shirt. Her mother just sighed, smiled, and shrugged her shoulders.
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