"My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared."
-- P. J. Plauger
"Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows."
-- David T. Wolf
"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps."
-- Emo Phillips
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
-- Henny Youngman
