Barbara's Motherly Lament . . . feel free to join in the chorus!

I have a feeling that if the entire world fell into stillness for one long moment and a universal clamor could be raised, it would be "Why don't THEY listen to ME?" (They being the generic for children and me being we parents.) Even without the one moment to voice this plea as a group, I know it does get said by most parents on an average of three times a day.

One day I decided to take time to listen to what I was saying and compared it to what my children did in response. They DO listen! They just process the results of our commands differently.

When you tell children to clean up their room, you have to be very specific. You have to tell them what day and time you expect to see the results of their labor. Phraseology is very important. During one of my housecleaning purges, I exclaimed, (okay, so I yelled), "Clean up your room and I don't want to see ANYTHING on the floor." Two hours later, there was not a thing on the floor. It was all piled on their beds. I neglected to mention that beds were out of bounds.

Another time I said I did not want to open their closet and find everything stuffed in it. Later I opened the closet in question and found everything stuffed in it. The children were very shocked at my anger. As they explained to me, they HEARD me say I didn't want to open their closet so they figured they would not have to worry about cleaning it!

There is one rhetorical question I know most of us are guilty of saying to our children. We come into a room, find one or more of our offspring busily painting the walls with toothpaste (substitute item of your experience here.) Your query is, "What do you think you are doing?" Immediately the children presume your parental stupidity as it is perfectly clear WHAT they are doing!

I really thought I had them once. I actually got their attention and I know they heard what I had to say. I mentioned that Three Kings' Day was coming up. If they wanted the Three Kings to leave surprises in their shoes, they had better get their bedrooms in order. With the inborn suspicion of childhood, my children looked me in the eye and said, "The Three Kings never left anything in our shoes before. . ." I smiled and said, "Precisely!"

The next time I viewed their rooms that day, I found the closet securely closed, everything piled on their beds and every shoe they could get their hands on lined up along the perimeter of their rooms. WHY DO THEY LISTEN TO ME???